MORGANNA, THE KISSING BANDIT
The Bandit's first victim: Pete Rose, back in 1970 when Morganna was just 15-years
old.
MORGANNA: The score was nothin' to nothin' in the seventh inning and my girlfriends bet
me five bucks that I wouldn't kiss him on the cheek, which I did. And who would have
ever thought that here, 50-something players later… And I've done a lot of NBA this past
season or two, and have even gotten into some hockey and I don't even skate- I've done
about a dozen- I've never lost my footing. I guess it comes from all the years jumping
fences and outrunning the police at the major league baseball fields- where they arrest
me. That's the only sport that has ever arrested me is major league baseball.
As Morganna's notoriety has increased over the years, you might think today's teams
would look the other way, enjoy the publicity and politely escort her from the field when
she's through. But Morganna says at her unscheduled appearances, it's a 70 percent chance
that she'll wind up in jail.
MORGANNA: They didn't arrest me for my first dozen or so players. They let me go home like
they do for the drunks. But once it seemed that the fans would yell "Yay Morganna!" and
we really made a fun event out of it, seems that's when the front office said we can't
allow that- she's not a guy and she's not wearing a hairy outfit. I mean, you're only
allowed out there if you got on a green thing with a long nose or you're wearing a chicken
outfit, I think.
Morganna says many times the police want to let her go- and will after several
autographs and pictures are taken. Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Detroit and Toronto have let
her slide. Other cities can't take a joke.
MORGANNA: I've heard the police actually say "Do we have to? The fans like it so much!"
And the police will apologize but if someone presses charges, it's into the handcuffs you
go, fingerprints, and mugshots. In Houston, Texas when I kissed Nolan Ryan and Dickie
Thon- it was my only double play in my history of baseball- the prosecutor there said I
was going to serve a year in prison and pay a five thousand dollar fine. And he was
determined, that was kinda of a spooky case to actually go to prison for kissing someone
on the cheek. Talk about liberty and justice! But I won the case, thankfully.
Obviously, Morganna attracts attention for her measurements at 60-23-29, and she's
been featured in Playboy magazine several times. Though she says just as many ladies as
men line up for autographs,
MORGANNA: But ladies get such a kick out of this. As I was telling one gentleman, we
ladies are truly not all jealous of each other like you read in Cosmo or whatever, we're
supposed to be. I think, unfortunately when we become an adult sometimes we think we're
not allowed to have that fun, we can't have that kid in us. So, I'm livin' out that Dennis
the Menace, that little bit of kid that's truly in all of us. We have to sometimes hide it
because we're supposed to. But I think that not only do the guys like to see me out there,
'cause they like to watch me run. Let's be honest, they don't care who I kiss, they just
like to watch me run. But the ladies get such a kick- they say: "Isn't she cute out
there!" And I just kiss on the cheek, it's completely harmless. I mean, grandmothers kiss
on the cheek, you know.
Every Morganna target reacts differently after being nailed. Outfielder Fred Lynn,
then of the California Angels, said he struck out because, he explained: "the baseball
looked like a pencil dot after watching Morganna run towards him". And basketball coach
Frank Layden feinted a heart attack in front of the Utah bench.
MORGANNA: And I didn't know 'til I got back off the basketball court. I looked back and
the man was laying there on his back. I thought if I go to jail for kissing in baseball,
I guess they're gonna give me the chair for killing in basketball. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
was on his farewell tour and I gave him a kiss. He stood back up after I kissed him on
the cheek and he rubbed his head like he really thought my kiss was gonna grow hair. I
said, hey, I might have something here.
Even though she may not be welcome everywhere, Morganna won't be intimidated.
MORGANNA: People ask: what does it take to be a Kissing Bandit? You need a sense of humor,
a lot of guts, an ink pen, a tube of lipstick, and some money in your tennis shoe- 'cause
you're going to jail. So there's no place that I won't go back to, no.
You might be surprised to know Morganna is part owner of baeball's Class A Utica Blue
Sox and does a musical comedy stand-up routine around the country. The registered
Republican from Louisville has been married for 14 years. Her goal is to peck a player of
every 26 major league baseball teams, plus two, when expansion is granted in a couple of
years.
MORGANNA: But there's all sides to Morganna. Like I say, I might look sexy to some people
but I'm really a comedienne at heart. You can't help your physical attributes. That's like
if you're extra tall doesn't mean you're a basketball player. Just because I'm extra tall
in the chest department, that doesn't mean I'm a sex symbol. I'm just havin' fun. Since I
figure I'll be kissing ballplayers until I'm at least Max Patkin's age- which he's about
80- that gives me a good 50 years… or 'til I have one tooth like Max Patkin, so that gives
me at least 31 more teeth, I'll probably get'em all at least once, that's for sure. A
Kissing Bandit never dies, we just kiss away.
Bill Flynn, WXXI 1370.